


Consequences of a Game Ended

by PennamePersona



Series: It's Hard Understanding [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Depression, Dissociation, Earth C, Gen, Jade Harley Has Depression, John Egbert Has Depression, M/M, Mental Illness, Post-Game, Prospit Kids, SBURB fucked people up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-22 00:25:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13752360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PennamePersona/pseuds/PennamePersona
Summary: What it boils down to is this:You're alone in your room in a house that's too big, too much, and everything you demanded from it all at once, and your head is in your hands because you think you might be in love.orJohn Egbert and Jade Harley face the consequences of games gone wrong.





	Consequences of a Game Ended

**Author's Note:**

> So, it's 2018 and I'm writing Homestuck fic? It happens,
> 
> Anyway, this is heavily written because 1. John Egbert and Jade Harley don't get a lot of recognition for the shit they've gone through and that sort of sucks 2. Hussie...did a lot. And I respect his narrative, or at least a lot of it? Anyway, the ending leaves some open ends that I'd like to do things with, so I am and 3. Character introspection is my L I F E

What it boils down to is this:

 

You're alone in your room in a house that's too big, too much, and everything you demanded from it all at once, and your head is in your hands because you think you might be in love.

 

What it stems from is this:

 

A wonderful, bright day on a new world, populated by friends, by family, by creatures beyond that, and absolutely full of joy. You're walking with Roxy and Calliope, but after a while, you step away from them and walk up a hill overlooking everyone. You see Rose and Kanaya, and contentment fills your heart at how happy they are. You see Jane, you see Dirk, you see Jake, you see Roxy joining them with Calliope, and you see five friends becoming one group in a way they're all still starting to understand. You see Jade, sitting with Dave and Karkat, and you're happy in ways you can't express as Karkat tosses his head back to laugh - 

 

And you're watching his smile, the column of his throat - 

 

And then there's a power too great to understand, and you're in a house that is a replica of the one your father raised you in.

 

And it's all just far too much to handle.

 

* * *

 

It's a bright, sunny day, and you're spending time with people you care about, and that's wonderful! That's great, it really is, so why are you still trying to convince yourself of it?

 

Dave and Karkat are here, right in front of you, and they're happy, or so it seems, Karkat is laughing, and you're mostly in the moment except not quite in ways that are important enough that you can't stop noticing, noticing, noticing them and then there's a blink of light from up on a hill, and you know instantly that it was John.

 

John's your brother in ways you can't escape, but he's your friend in ways you chose. You also think that John might be the only one who understands this state you're in, too far from home to feel comfortable, yet so at home that you should be fine, and all the while yanked still by Skaia in ways that infuriate you if you dwell on them - which you don't, as a general rule.

 

So you excuse yourself, and Karkat looks concerned in ways that are obvious, and Dave looks worried in ways that you don't know because it's been years since you were close to Dave for a long time, and you hate this stupid game - 

 

But you love your brother, so you walk to John's house, and you enter without knocking, knowing that he won't even notice.

 

You go to his room, and there he is, on a bed that's a duplicate of the one from his childhood, and you look at the wall next to it, and remember.

 

* * *

 

"Hey," You say, and your voice is...foreign.

 

"Hi," Jade says, and when you look up, her gaze is not on you, but on the wall behind you.

 

"What's up?" You ask, looking at the wall, and she just tilts her head and is silent for a moment.

 

"I remember the writing you had on the wall," She says, eventually, and you half-laugh.

 

"Right, that." You say. "Guess I had some problems back then, huh?"

 

"Still do," She says, sitting down next to you. "What's wrong, John?"

 

"I don't even know," You say, looking down at your hands. "I should be fine. Everything's fine, now, I shouldn't be upset, but I am, and I don't know what to do about it. Everything still hurts, and my dad's still gone, and everything still fell to absolute shit, and no matter what I change, I can't fix anything."

 

"But what's wrong today?" She asks, and you want to laugh because Jade's always been so, so smart.

 

"I saw Karkat laugh," You say, looking up and over at her. She wrinkles her eyebrows together, and you reach up a finger to poke between those furrowed caterpillars, chasing a childlike instinct you thought must've been gone, but after all, Jade's always been as silly as you, somewhere inside, and you think that's still true.

 

"Okay?" She asks, and adjusts her glasses. You drop your finger, feeling lighter.

 

"I think I might love him," You say, and understands fills her expression.

 

"Oh," She says. "Oh. I thought that this was different than that. But that's fine. Well, it's what it is, I guess I don't get to say that it's fine, but - "

 

"What did you think it was?" You ask. She shrugs.

 

"I don't know," She says. "Life sucks. I was out with Dave and Karkat today, and I knew I was supposed to be happy, but nothing felt right. I thought it might've been that."

 

"Well, it's always that." You say, and there's this weight that's gone from your shoulders, as soon as you realize that Jade understands.

 

It's hard, being free from the game, and yet always tethered to it. It's hard, and you think that someone understands.

 

"How do you deal with it?" You ask, and Jade laughs, but not like it's funny.

 

"I don't," She says. "I don't know what to do. I always did, but not anymore. Skaia's supposed to be gone, but I still feel it, every day."

 

"That's probably just depression," You say, and Jade laughs, a little like it is funny.

 

"You sounds like Rose," She says, and you nod.

 

"That's who I heard it from. She worries, you know, but she's got Kanaya, and she's okay. She doesn't understand."

 

"Yeah," Jade says, leaning her head on your shoulder. "Yeah."

 

You sit like that for a long while, and it's the closest you've felt to another person since you can't even remember when.

 

It's nice.

 

* * *

 

His house looks exactly like it did during the game, and that's sort of fucked up, now that you're thinking about it.

 

"Egbert, why do you do these things," You sigh, opening the door. 

 

You hear laughing coming from upstairs, so you follow it, and you see through the doorway of John's bedroom that John and Jade are playing some sort of board game, which is...not what you expected.

 

"So I was worried for nothing?" You ask aloud, and then the atmosphere changes. Nothing physical actually shifts, but it's like this bubble comes around John and Jade, and you think for a second about that idea, and you realize something about why you've been worried.

 

"Karkat," John says, and he's smiling, but it's so, so fake.

 

"Hey, Karkat," Jade says, her attempt at a smile right there, but so wrong that it hurts you, and how did you not consciously notice these things before? "Sorry for running off. John - "

 

"Fuck," You say. "You guys aren't doing too hot, are you?"

 

They freeze.

 

"I mean, I get it." You say. "This shit sucks pretty bad. But it has since the beginning, which is even worse, I guess, but you guys seemed okay, before. Well, not okay, but different. What the fuck happened?"

 

John's mouth opens, but no words come out. Just air, like he's made of it, and you guess that he is, Heir of Breath, but he's never seemed so weightless, before.

 

"Don't tell anyone." Jade says, looking down at her hands. She's not pretending to smile, anymore. "They shouldn't worry."

 

You sigh, and sit down across from them.

 

"Wild that I'm the emotionally stable one in the room, but whatever." You say. "We're going to worry, morons. We care about you."

 

"No, you don't." John says, bitterly. "You've got Dave, Rose has Kanaya, Roxy has Calliope and Jane and Jake and Dirk, and Jane has her dad, and everyone has someone else, and we're - "

 

"We're on the outside." Jade says, looking defiantly at you, green fire blazing in her eyes, and how the fuck have all of you missed this? How long has this been going on?

 

"No, you're not." You say. "We all care about you. Dave being my friend doesn't mean I don't care about you two. Kanaya and Rose care about more than each other, and I don't know the others as well, but it's not like you think it is. You're not on the outside."

 

"Prove it," John says, sounding defeated, yet still angry, and so dark, and this isn't the boy you met. This isn't the boy you thought you hated.

 

This is someone entirely different. You could never hate John, you know that, but you aren't sure of much else in regard to him, now.

 

"Okay," You say, and it's probably going to be difficult, proving this, but stubbornness has gotten you through a lot, and there's more than stubbornness, for this. There's two people you've cared about for a long time, and there's the demand that you keep them whole, and for the first time since settling into this new world, you finally think you've found a challenge suited to you.

 

And you're going to do whatever it takes because you're Karkat fucking Vantas, and two of your dearest friends are in pain.

 

What do you do?

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://www.pennamepersona.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
>  


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